The Hoaxer

(With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

I am just a rich boy,
And my story’s often told,
I quit management consulting,
To write mendacious columns for a pot of gold.
All lies and jests,
Still folks hear what they want to hear and disregard the rest,
And so it’s best,

To lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie.

I betrayed my own dear leader,
And I tricked the DUP,
My shabby Brexit deal,
Means there has to be a border in the Irish Sea.
Still every day,
I cheat, the commentators shrug ‘That seems to be his way’,
And so I say,

Just lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie.

My promises are lavish,
But I’ll never see them through,
The fifty thousand nurses,
Will be forgotten by next season’s winter flu.
Yet still I win,
Opinion polls are saying I’m a cert to get back in,
So it’s no sin,

To lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie.

By stirring up the credulous,
I deflect all the blame,
My opponents scream with outrage,
But they still haven’t realised it’s just a game.
All fear and hate,
By the time they twig I will have won and it will be too late,
Manipulate,

And lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie.

In the morning stands the Hoaxer,
It’s just coming up to four,
The seats they are declaring,
Just another handful and he’s through the door.
The verdict nears,
The carpetbaggers laugh but for the rest it’s pain and tears,
And five more years,

Of lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie.

Lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie,
Lie lie lie lie lie.

(Repeat ad nauseam for the next 5 years.)

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13 Responses to The Hoaxer

  1. Sally says:

    Excellent post – sadly, likely to be our theme tune for the foreseeable future.

  2. Patrica Leighton says:

    Brilliant and so right!

  3. Michael Ingham says:

    Excellent but can we have an alternative ending?
    One where he fails to get his ill-gotten majority & we remain , to live happily ever after.

  4. Dipper says:

    very clever

    Just to remind you that the alternative to Johnson is someone who regularly takes the sides of terrorists against the UK, who consorts with terrorists, attends their funerals and commemorative events, who thinks terrorism is justified, who takes the money from an Irananian regime that sponsors terrorism and imprisons women for years and years for the sin of not covering their hair, and who now campaigns on a policy of retribution against UK citizens, seizure of property, who has an economic illiteracy that threatens to wreak havoc in the nation impoverishing it for decades.

    But no, Johnson, he’s the real villain.

  5. fatjacques says:

    Do you have one about Corbyn? He is a bigger liar telling much bigger and more dangerous lies.

  6. Whacky Banana says:

    Checked by Fact-check. This song is based entirely on actual people and events.

  7. Damien Scully says:

    Johnson will say anything if he thinks it will advance his cause, he has no concerns for the impacts of those words. He has used lies for so long and they have served him so well that why would he stop now?

  8. asquith says:

    Excellent!

    Do you remember that person who often commented on Tim Fenton’s blog with parody songs? I haven’t heard from him for some time, sadly 😦

  9. Dipper says:

    Very happy with that result. In awe of the wisdom and resolution of my fellow citizens who not once but twice this year have ignored the hectoring and moaning from the metropolitan class, seen clearly what needs to be done, and have gone and done it.

  10. gunnerbear says:

    So Rik, you clearly want a terrorist sympathiser who hates the white working class in charge…why do you want wages smashed downwards by mass immigration? Why do you hate the working class?

    • Jim says:

      The middle classes have always looked down upon/feared the working classes – now that Labour has become a metropolitan middle class party they naturally have become anti-working class. Brexit has resulted in a dropping of veils – it used to be that middle class dislike of the working classes was manifested by dislike of places the working classes go to and spend their money in (hence the middle class dislike of companies that cater for the mass market – Tesco, McDonalds, Starbucks etc etc), now even that thin veil is gone and the working classes are openly derided by the Left as stupid racist idiots for voting the ‘wrong’ way.

      All this should be very instructive to any identity group within society that the Left decides it wants to champion – the Left care not a jot for you, merely whether you are an advantage in their lust for power. If you become a liability in that quest, you will be dropped, as the working classes have just realised, and one suspects women and gays will also discover when the Left have to choose between radical Islam and gay and womens rights. The Left has always been about a means to an end……..

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