Pirate Day joke

One night, far out at sea, a young pirate is talking to the pirate captain.

“Cap’n,” he says, “‘Ow comes is it you’s got an ‘ook for an ‘and?”

“Ha ha harrr. ‘Twas like this. We was just leavin’ Port Royal when we was attacked by a Navy frigate. I fought a desperate battle with their cap’n. I ran ‘im though but not before he’d chopped my ‘and off and taken it with ‘im to his watery grave. Ha Ha Harrr!”

“So Cap’n, ‘ow comes is it you’s only got one leg?”

“Ha ha harrr. We was comin’ back from a raid in the Bahamas when we was shipwrecked in a storm. I ended up in a fight with a shark. I stabbed ‘im in the eye with my dagger but not before he’d bitten my leg off and taken it with ‘im to Davey Jones’s Locker. Ha Ha Harrr!”

So Cap’n, ‘ow comes is it you’s got a patch on your eye?”

“Ha ha harrr. We was about to set sail from Plymouth. I was looking’ up to the heavens to see if there be a storm brewin’ when a seagull flew over and crapped in my eye.”

“But Cap’n, you doesn’t lose an eye just cos a seagull craps in it.”

“Ha Ha Harrr! You does when you forgets you’s got an ‘ook for an ‘and.”

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