I Met a Man….

This poem was inspired by Bendy Girl’s post on Tuesday. With thanks to David Cameron, Ed Miliband and a thousand comment threads.

I Met a Man; or Hell in a Handcart

I met a man who met a man who met a man who said,
“My work-shy next-door neighbour is a-swinging of the lead,
He says that he’s disabled but I know that limp’s a fake,
He’s not really sick, he’s just a shirker on the take.”

I met a man who met a man who’d been told by another,
That further down the street there lived a lazy single mother,
With twenty kids, a welfare cheque, a house just like a castle,
Prada, Gucci, Louboutin and a bank account in Basel.

I met a man who met a man who said he knew for sure,
That Britain’s welfare state is like an ever open door,
Anyone and everyone from here to Timbuktu,
Scrounging off the taxes that are paid by me and you.

I met a man who met a man who said it was a fact,
We’d never even notice if all council staff were sacked,
He also knew for certain, though how he wouldn’t say,
Those council fat-cat bosses earn a thousand pounds a day.

I met a man who met a man who swore that it was true,
Senior civil servants only work from ten till two,
Then off they go for lunch breaks in posh restaurants and bars,
And slope off home at tea time in their chauffeur driven cars.

I met a man who met a man who said he knew a bloke,
Sacked for telling nothing but a silly little joke,
The woman that he said it to is richer than a queen,
A million compensation for hurt feelings, it would seem.

I met a man who met a man who told a chilling tale,
(He knew that it was true because he’d read it in the Mail)
Of a Brave New Britain run by Muslims, reds and gays,
Coming to a street near you within the next few days.

I met a man who met a man who’d overheard by chance,
An evil EU plot to make Great Britain part of France,
They’ll make us drink in litres and put garlic on our bread,
And honest John and Jack must change to Jean and Jacques instead.

I met a man who met a man who said that it’s no wonder
With all these bums and scroungers that the country’s going under,
Things ain’t what they used to be so sound the warning bell,
Climb aboard the handcart for we’re on our way to hell.

Additional verses are welcome, if you’re feeling creative.

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31 Responses to I Met a Man….

  1. Doug Shaw says:

    An outstanding post! I may have to try and put this to music – country style?

  2. David Goddin says:

    Love the poetry! Can’t add to it but maybe a counterpoise is the Ian Dury (a personal hero & poet) song chorus….

    There ain’t half been some clever b*****ds.
    Probably got help from their mum
    (who had help from her mum).
    There ain’t half been some clever b*****ds.
    Now that we’ve had some,
    let’s hope that there’s lots more to come.

  3. Pingback: I Met a Man…. - Rick - Member Blogs - HR Blogs - HR Space from Personnel Today and Xpert HR

  4. Jan says:

    Love it. Doug, country sounds good 😀 I think rock with a funky edge could work, but then I’m listening to Croweology as I’m reading this; I suspect it’s messing with my mind, heh.

  5. Doug Shaw says:

    I met a man who met a man who said this country’s broke
    He was laughing like a maniac but I swear this ain’t no joke
    The guy gave me the creeps, came across real sinister
    I swear I’ve seen that face before, hold on – it’s the Prime Minister!

  6. I met a men who met a man who couldn’t understand
    Why the Human Rights of Criminals had got so out of hand
    They get let off with a warning if they lodge a guilty plea
    And Ken Clarke is determined that all rapists should walk free

  7. pads says:

    Try this

    I met a man who knew a man who said they let everyone in from the EU
    I tell you no joke because its true.
    Everyone else they make wait, get visa’s and sign papers,
    One wonders does the EU pay imigration wages.

    Love pads

  8. Rick says:

    Great stuff folks. Keep ’em coming.

  9. James F says:

    I met a man, who met a man, who’d been led to believe,
    A secret BBC charter clause, commits them to deceive,
    The biased corporation has long gone down the tubes,
    So if you want some balance then look to Sky for news .

    Thanks for a great site

  10. I met a man who met a man who spoke of Health’s low norms
    & thus the pressing need for competitive reforms
    Doctors ruled by bureaucrats, nurses drowned in paper
    A dose of market discipline will end this silly caper

  11. spiritinthematerialworld says:

    I met a man who met a man who told me he was sorry –
    he didn’t see why I was scared and told me not to worry,
    the genuinely sick, he said, would always be looked after
    then turned and scrapped the Welfare State to please his lord and master.

  12. Sue Marsh says:


    I LOVE this, can I post it to my Diary of a Benefit Scrounger Blog please? Obviously I’ll link back.

  13. Sue Marsh says:

    Spirit in the Material World – Genius!!!

    How about :

    Course Gordon didn’t meet a man, he met a lass called Duffy
    She said the streets were all run down, and immigrants too scruffy.
    Despite her sounding bigoted and making Gordon cower.
    She’s now the chief of policy at CCHQ towers.

  14. GrumpyLecturer says:

    I met a man who met a man who said that we forget that politically it was a necessity to put unemployed people on the sick so that unemployment figures could be massaged in the 1980s but that man obviously was old and therefore stupid

  15. Moon Tree says:

    This is brilliant! I especially like the line “He knew that it was true because he’d read it in the Mail”. 😉

    Sometimes I think humour is our best weapon against the darkness.

  16. nanobot says:

    Had a go at my own:

    My future is working for my dole
    being a slave, that will be my role

    Impoverished, exploited and humiliated
    to make Daily Mail readers feel titilated

    To make those with more money than they can count
    an ever increasing obscene amount

    It makes them feel superior and smug
    to see the poor crushed like a bug

    But by burning the safety net for those they so despise
    Right-wingers dont seem to realise

    By collaborating with Dave
    they are digging their own descendant’s grave

    will soon also become their prison

    Wherever it has been applied
    the middle class has died

    The middle class
    will soon be a thing of the past

    There will be just rich and poor
    no middle class no more.

  17. Emma says:

    Brilliant poem! Love it, it’s got me hankering to write a poem but I’ve not got any inspiration at the moment…

  18. Doug Shaw says:

    As Rick knows I sing like a drain and play guitar even worse. But if you are feeling brave – I’ve set this excellent poem to music – you can hear it here:


  19. Carole ( aka RoboMam) says:

    I met a man who wasnt there, for he was sitting in a (wheel) chair,
    I met a man who couldnt hear, yet no one seemed to shed a tear,
    I met a single mum with kids , shes why the countrys on the skids,
    I met a man, he claimed to care,
    His name was Dave with shiny hair,
    He said he`d help, that he`d be there,
    He said ” trust me, I will be fair ”
    Thats why I share ,
    I wish that Dave just wasnt there

  20. pads says:

    I am not anti EU I just think that its wrong that they don’t get any questions asked and they are allowed to come here and claim benefits which means that’s why the government is trying to crack down on them and it makes life more difficuilt for the geniunly disabled to get them as a result.

    My Husband is disabled and I am his full time carer. Also my son is married to An American who needs a visa to come here even though they have a baby our grandchild together. Though I have nothing against people from Europe it just annoys me that’s its not regulated in any way and because the government is paying huge amounts in benefits to them and any dependants they have they are introducing all the cost cutting measures which are effecting the sick and disabled like us and many more on these forums.

    Ok rant over love pads I just thought it would make a good poem x

  21. francis says:

    please check out this individual fighting our corner in europe , I want him as our prime minister .

    Nigel Farage(El proyecto fascista llamado Europa)

  22. Rebecca Boot says:

    I met a man who met a man who said that I was fake
    He laughed and called me stupid as I began to shake
    Panic attacks came panic attacks which kept me in the house
    Now I am now no longer me, they made me to a mouse

  23. jayprich says:

    I met a man that knew a man that saw a lovely wheeze
    he’s cashing in on wind-farms and their carbon subsidies
    the cheap onshore efficient ones that spin up on some hill
    harvest carbon price support that’s been added to your bill

    I met a man whose Nanny said that “nuclear is bad ..
    .. but few alternatives exist for baseload power my lad ..
    .. we know you like “sustainable” but don’t like to scrimp and save ..
    .. so now the carbon price must rise to change how you behave”

  24. Pingback: Slapdash – a damning word? | Freethinking Economist

  25. bill40 says:

    I met a man who met a man,who believed in charity,
    and food banks for the sanctioned, so they could have their tea.
    illness and infirmity are all just clever talk,
    believe in atos miracles, pick up your bed and walk.

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